christmas movie recs that you didn't ask for
i give you 5 basic recs and then go off the rails.
the older i get, the more i realize just how much of a clusterfuck the holiday season is. how can a month go by so fast yet so slow? how can everything feel so magical yet so blah at the same time? everything is bright and sparkly and dark and cold. seems like a scam.
sometimes it feels like it’s all too much to deal with. when that happens, it’s best* to just hop into bed or under a blanket on the couch, fire up the streaming service of your choice, and lose yourself in a beautifully decorated christmas/holiday where families are (mostly) functional, the city is perfectly populated (if you’ve been in nyc** at christmas, you know what i mean and if you haven’t- imagine standing room at a concert minus the music and add in kids with snotty noses), and men are written by women.
* my qualification is that my toxic trait is retreating when i’m overwhelmed.
** i say nyc because i am from nyc, but i’d venture a guess that you can replace that with any major city.
everyone has their own list of favorites and today i’m going to give you mine. how does five sound? that seems like a nice number. less likely for me to lose concentration (ha!).
a couple of disclosures here: i’m still getting used to writing here vs. wordpress. i don’t love the formatting options here but, like gloria gaynor, i will survive. in that same vein - i’m used to 2013 blogging. the memes, the gifs, the pictures, all of it. is that necessary here? i’m known to go apeshit with the extras. so, i guess if i go overboard, mind ya business. finally, if you’re (for whatever reason) looking for elf or the grinch, look elsewhere.
Jim Henson’s The Christmas Toy
oh, rugby tiger. this movie did absolutely nothing to ease my fears that my toys had feelings. i never worried that they came to life and that i could freeze them forever if they got caught but let tiny tina find out that one of them felt left out? i’d be a wreck. we all had a rugby; mine was a beaver named spud, who is currently in a box in my attic and i won’t lie - i’m worried he’s cold. send in the men with the white coats. this movie has it all - memorable characters, catchy tunes, a harrowing rescue mission, and a barbie fashion montage. it’s happy! it’s sad! it’s muppets! and it’s available on amazon.
Rent
is it a christmas movie like die hard is a christmas movie? yea, pretty much. but it takes place over 525,600 minutes and it opens on christmas eve so it qualifies. i saw the movie adaptation before i saw it on broadway and according to the rent purists, i did myself a disservice. either way - i jumped over the moon and haven’t found my way back yet. funny little aside: my first broadway show was beauty and the beast. i went with my mom, two of my aunts, and my cousin. it was a birthday present, but i can’t remember which one. 8th? 10th? irrelavent. after the show, we were walking around times square trying to get back to the car. i was bitten by the broadway bug so i was soaking everything in. i needed to see another show and fast. i looked up and saw the billboard for Rent and asked my mom what it was about. “it’s about a group of young people living in the city”, she responded. “wow. that sounds boring.” i thought. little did i know… anyway - tell me you don’t put seasons of love on in the car to get out a good sob this time of year. no, really. please tell me you do that too. you can find this one on amazon as well.
Home Alone 2: Lost in New York
few sequels surpass their original but home alone 2 is one of them. christmas in new york in the early 90s is the aesthetic i dream about. mrs. mcalllister’s tan wool coat? a stretch limo with a steaming hot pizza waiting to cart you all over the city? an empty rockefeller center? stop it, i’m swooning! to be a bit critical - i think the first movie did a better job with the booby traps. the branding with the door knob? iconic. whatever went down at the new york uncles’s apartment was just… forgettable. probably with well over a million dollars, but forgettable just the same. pigeon lady and the fire crackers redeemed slightly, but my money is on kevin with the home court advantage. the plaza now offers a home alone package where you can see the sights from the back of a limo while munching on a large cheese pizza, come back to your room (one with an “extra large bed”), call down for a 2… make it 3 (you’re not driving) scoop sundae that you can eat while watching Angels With No Souls (not offered because it’s not a real movie but imagine??!). if they throw in a recording of john heard screaming about spending $967 as i check out, i’m totally in. by the way- still waiting on santa to bring me my talkgirl recorder.
available on amazon.
The Holiday
should i admit that minus kate winslet, this cast does nothing for me? well… i guess i just did. so how did this movie make it to number 2 on this list? because nancy meyers is a genius. consider this my plea to nancy and all the powers that be for a nancy meyers christmas special. primetime. special guests, beige living rooms, clear door refrigerators. PLEASE NANCY! anyway - we open up with iris’ work holiday party where that creepo jasper announces his engagement to some tart in, i don’t know, marketing? was she his secretary? did she even work with them?? i can’t remember. either way our poor iris is gutted. she then gives us the unrequited love speech. if you can’t relate to that speech 1 - i hate you and 2 - how does it feel to be God’s favorite? i felt it in my soul. it hits every single time. then we meet amanda who, except for the whole not being able to cry thing, i couldn’t relate to if i tried. eventually, we meet our love interests and…. *sigh* is jude law attractive? sure. (those baby blues!) is mr. napkinhead endearing? definitely. i just.. i’m sorry, guys. i think i let his personal life get into my head and the whole cheating on sienna miller didn’t sit right with me. i’m sure she’s fine and i should watch the movie again, for the 600th time, with a clearer head but it’s been this long already and nothing’s changed. now jack black. in general i’m not a fan of his. his brand of comedy is not what i gravitate towards. i find him a little annoying, frankly. however - i love what nancy did here. he’s sensitive, caring, vulnerable, supportive, and (objectively) funny. he’s talented and giving. he’s soft and down to earth. he’s every girl’s dream. i love a funny guy with a dad bod; they just don’t love me! (ooohhh ba dum bum). if i could be honest here, i don't see the chemestry between iris and miles. she has more of a spark with arthur, frankly. speaking of arthur -another favorite scene is when he tells iris that she has to start being the main character in her story. *shakes fist* arthur! i’m here to watch a movie, not for a therapy session! leave dustin hoffman at blockbuster and get this one on amazon.
Miracle on 34th Street (1994)
as soon as i hit play on this movie my shoulders relax, my breathing slows, my brain allows itself to just focus on kris and susan. first of all- this movie is beautiful. the christmas in nyc in the early 90s aesthetic is strong here, except it’s not like the one from home alone; funny how they’re both from john hughes. home alone feels gritty compared to this masterpiece. gritty, yet still very nostalgic. this one has almost a gaussian blur filter on it. it’s perfection. santa’s suit with the reindeer buttons and the gold wreath ring. santa’s village at cole’s. the phonebooks! the side characters! allison janney, katherine narducci, jane leeves, james remar, robert prosky! i can’t tell you how many times i hear “you’ve made a cooole’s shopper outta me. i’ll come here for everything but toilet paper and bananas” in my head. to think allison janney was only credited as “the woman”. the disrespect! i’ll let it slide though because we all make mistakes. if there were a way to live in this version of that christmas in new york that everyone talks about, i’d go in a heartbeat. the doorman calls a cab for kris and a handsome cab shows up??! swoony woony. then, unrelated to christmas in new york except that’s where they are, ms. walker taking a sip of coffee on christmas morning and having her absolute stunner of an engagement ring catch the light, hitting the santa ornament on her tree? susan knew what was up. she knew she was getting a brother, a house and a dad. and that dad was going to be mr. bedford. sedate me. you can find this masterpiece on amazon.
we made it through but i’d be remiss if i didn’t include these honorable mentions. i can’t find them on any streaming service, youtube or even a dvd (i’m desperate!).
The Christmas List- melody parris, played by mimi rogers, works at a department store perfume counter has a knack for choosing the perfect scent for the customer. she helps a boy find his (dead) mom’s signature scent. they bond. her co-worker makes her write a christmas wish list and throw it in santa’s mailbox. somehow, all of her wishes start coming true. she wins a car, she gets a make over, etc. long story short - she falls in love with above-mentioned boy’s dad.
Ebbie -this one is simple - this is a re-telling of a christmas carol. susan lucci plays the title character of ebbie, who is the CEO of a department store. she’s ruthless! it’s just really well done and i'd love to find it to stream.
Live Action Mickey’s Nutcracker - this was one of those fever dream specials. i know i watched it and i’m pretty sure my mom taped it for me but even if i could find it, a vhs isn’t going to do anything for me right now. anyway - the disney parks had a stage show of the nutcracker that they blessedly aired on tv. it had catchy music intertwined with the classic tchaikovsky beats. i’ve tried to google it, just to see what i could find about it but it’s like it’s been scrubbed from the internet.
Christmas at Eureeka’s Castle - i was a big eureeka’s castle girlie, but especially the two specials they graced us with. one being the christmas one, where magellan the dragon gets lost in the woods! the other being “what’s in that box”, where the crew finds a box from the head wizard, played by luther vandross. the eureeka’s castle series is being streamed on paramount plus but they don’t have those two specials. of course.
this was much more than i anticipated but i hope it got you in the retreating and streaming mood. if you watched any of my honorable mentions - let me know! it heals my inner child when i find out i wasn’t the only one watching weird shit.